A couple of years ago I surprised myself and those around me by joining a church. At the time it seemed a perfect fit for me. Things changed though and I found that this lovely place was no longer a haven that I felt a part of. I won't get into great detail but suffice it to say that I felt less than comfortable being ministered to by someone who kept ogling my rack.
At any rate, we have found a new church home and I think I may possibly have stumbled into the best possible fit ever. Seriously. Last Sunday, the pastor gave me a book, to help me navigate the particulars of this specific denomination...the book is AMAZING!
...the first thing that I noticed was a section on how to stay alert during services...among the suggestions? Pinch yourself. Excellent. Even better than that? I found a whole chapter devoted to "How to Avoid Getting Burned at the Stake". Apparently, if you believe that burning is imminent, you should wear flame retardant clothing...and if you actually wind up bound to a stake, you should request dry wood, because it will burn faster and hotter, resulting in a quicker, less painful death. Seriously, where else am I going to get helpful tips like these? I think if more people knew that church could help you with things like this, more people would go. Or maybe more witches at any rate.