Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Why School Girls are So Popular

We are in SOO much trouble

Wonder if we can get a discount on uniforms for the cuteness factor???

My little big kid...jumping right in and joining the class

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The One Where I MIght Actually Get Burned at the Stake...

See, there is a reason that I was given that book when I was...

In order to enroll Sabrina in private school, we have to fill out a questionnaire...because it is a Biblically driven program, we have religious questions to answer...because I am me, I find it physically impossible to answer these questions without firmly planting my tongue in my cheek...and since this is a Christian Academy, they probably won't laugh at all...and because we need them to accept her, I wrote my answers in pencil, erased them and will have to hire a ghost writer to fill them out appropriately for me...

1. Explain your relationship with Jesus Christ.
He is my mother's cousin's husband's brother's mother-in-law's neighbor. So mostly we only see him at Easter and Christmas. Except this one time, when we both had a little too much egg nog, and went streaking through the neighborhood...and woke up naked in a jail cell together, with a really bad hangover...but it didn't mean anything, really...

2. What is the place of the Bible in molding values and discipline?
If you get just the right angle with it, it is wonderful for beating some sense into your kids with.

3. Describe the practice of prayer and Bible study in your lives.
See above. Mainly the kids pray that they won't get brained by that darned book again.

4. Explain your understanding of the Bible's instruction concerning authority in our lives.
We should listen to all burning bushes, for they have all of the answers?

5. For what reason(s) are you sending your child(ren) to a Christian school?
Because none of the atheist fuckers would take her?

Flame retardant clothes baby, that's what I am wearing this Sunday!!!!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Religion Can be Fun

A couple of years ago I surprised myself and those around me by joining a church. At the time it seemed a perfect fit for me. Things changed though and I found that this lovely place was no longer a haven that I felt a part of. I won't get into great detail but suffice it to say that I felt less than comfortable being ministered to by someone who kept ogling my rack.

At any rate, we have found a new church home and I think I may possibly have stumbled into the best possible fit ever. Seriously. Last Sunday, the pastor gave me a book, to help me navigate the particulars of this specific denomination...the book is AMAZING!

...the first thing that I noticed was a section on how to stay alert during services...among the suggestions? Pinch yourself. Excellent. Even better than that? I found a whole chapter devoted to "How to Avoid Getting Burned at the Stake". Apparently, if you believe that burning is imminent, you should wear flame retardant clothing...and if you actually wind up bound to a stake, you should request dry wood, because it will burn faster and hotter, resulting in a quicker, less painful death. Seriously, where else am I going to get helpful tips like these? I think if more people knew that church could help you with things like this, more people would go. Or maybe more witches at any rate.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

A Star (Pupil) is Born

Just like that..after more than a year of fighting, Sabrina is starting Kindergarten on Wednesday. She will be attending a very good Private School for the second half of the year, and in the fall, she will be attending first grade. And there is NOTHING that the district can do to stop her.

Sabrina - because she is Sabrina - is DELIGHTED. We are talking actual squeals of happiness. Her massive joy is derived mainly from the fact that she gets to wear "an outfit" for school...I know of no other child who would be so enthused by a dress code which insists she wear a plaid jumper I'm not surprised though. This was also the compelling reason to sign up for soccer last year.

I am happy-sad. I know that this is the best thing in the world for her. I know that she will do tremendously. I also know that I will miss spending my days with her so badly that it hurts.

Guess there is nothing left to do now but go and get a job. Anyone hiring?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Like a Groundhog, Only Fatter...

Yawn...I guess it is time to wake up from my long winter's nap...or at least that is what my mother and other devoted reader have been prodding me about...that the box has been decidedly empty as of late...and this simply will not do! So here I am, poking my head out, and checking to see if my shadow is there to greet me.

The last several months have been busybusybusy...nothing terribly exciting or unusual, just regular life type stuff...only more of it. Which is, I suppose better than regular life stuff only least if I operate under the assumption that less life stuff means less life. Anyway...

We are toying with the notion of me getting a job...well, some of us are toying with...others are impatiently tapping their foot, waiting for the job to come...I'll leave it to your fertile imaginations which one is which...

My ongoing battle with the school board is about to go nuclear...the principal & Assistant Superintendent have joined forces to try and prevent the girl child from entering first grade in the fall. I suppose I *should* or *could* be flattered that they think me formidable enough to need to forge an alliance to ensure my failure, but instead I am just pissed. I was left a message that, though much wordier, basically came across as "You gave birth to her, now get over it....we will make all of the decisions from here on out." If you know me, which most of you do (Hi Tonya!!), you know that I am waaaayyyy too possessive to put up with that. So now I am taking a three pringed approach to my new attack.

The first is collecting information from other school districts, that do make exceptions, and trying to get the documentation of their policies to present at a future school board meeting...which I will bring the girl child with me to...and perhaps have her read the policies to them?

The second is contacting private schools (and neighboring districts that are less pig-headed) to see if anywhere will accept her, halfway through the year as we are, so that our home district will have no choice but to accept her in the fall.

The third is to have her tested by a shrink, so that we can have her labeled as "Special Needs" as a gifted child..which leaves the district no choice but to make any accomodation for her that she requires.

All of these are, on some level repugnant to me, as I think that the way that the policy is being administered is retarded. If I, as a parent were to tell the district that I felt she wasn't ready to start school in the fall and that I wanted her to wait another year, nobody at the district level would challenge me. (And they admit this) Nobody would second guess my judgement as a parent and would instead readily defer to my understanding of my child. Because I am telling them that she is ready earlier than their policy allows however, my judgement as a parent is viewed as worthless. Apparently I am only qualified to comment on my child's shortcomings, not on her talents.

What they don't seem to understand is that, as her parent, her advocate, I will not stop fighting for what I feel is best for her. If I stop fighting on her behalf than I am at risk of failing her, and failure of that magnitude is not an option. I have alot more to lose in this battle than they, I will fight.