Back to school shopping season is in full swing once again and I am now fretting and genuinely missing the school uniform experience from last year. You don't realize how relieving it is to not have to make wardrobe decisions for a 5/6 year old girl until you are confronted with the meager offerings that are out there. And by meager, I don't mean a lack of selection. I mean a lack of substance.
Apparently dressing your grammar school girl like a hooker is all the rage. And I didn't get the memo. And it really makes me angry. Not the part about not getting the memo, the part about the tiny hookers. Seems like, unless I am willing to take out the necessary 2nd mortgage required to afford a Gymboree wardrobe I am supposed to dress my daughter for a day at the brothel. To go to school. Sequins, snotty sayings, super tight jeans, super short skirts, rips, slashes and see through places in spots that aren't even worth looking at on a 5 (almost 6) year old yet. Apparently I am either hopelessly UNhip or there is some big practical joke that I am the butt of.
I blame the Disney channel. Which you have to believe, pains me to no end. I love me some Disney. Love.IT. However...as the home of Hannah Montana they have to shoulder some of the blame here. Hannah Montana dresses like a rock star. Which makes sense, being a singing sensation and all. She is flashy. And a little skimpy. But hey, she is a tween/teenager, so that is OK. Unfortch, it seems that the old marketing geniuses at Disney decided that the tween crowd wasn't enough, so they market her show/clothes/cult following to kids as small as a size 4. Now. Don't get me wrong...I think Miley Cyrus is a lovely role model for tweenagers. She is appropriately angsty and innocent...boy crazy and mild. She has completely age appropriate trials and tribulations, and I could hope for nothing more than for my daughter to take after her...when she herself is a tween. But she is not. She is 5 (almost 6). She has NO BUSINESS watching that show. And so she doesn't get to. I know however, in a few short weeks, she will skip off to public elementary school where Miley Cyrus is all the rage. And I know enough to realize that I can't prevent her from learning about and hearing about Hannah Montana from her friends. Her friends who will all be sporting flashy/trashy Hannah Montana hooker gear...
I suppose the upshot is, that if I did dress her like a hooker she could bring in the cash to fund a Gymboree wardrobe? Not that I would pimp out my kid. But seriously.