If a Dog Could Be Nominated for Sainthood

Yesterday was a fun day at the old Boyum Ranch...the boy woke up crying that his tummy hurt, so he stayed home.

We kept it nice and quiet, with the boy laying on the couch watching me go through the paces on Wii Fit (more on that later) and Anya, my trusty Husky/Shepherd mix, laying on the floor, directly below him.

All of a sudden I heard a noise, and the dog jumped up and started running around in circles. I looked over and the boy said, "I threw up." I saw the pile on the rug, so I sent him to the bathroom to rinse out his mouth and proceeded to grab the garbage can and paper towels to get up the big stuff and the carpet shampooer to get the rest. After all was restored I gave the boy a bucket and prepared to get back to my Yoga...and the dog ran by again, looking anxious.

I turned to tell her to calm down, when I noticed that the boy had thrown up ALL OVER her back...and she was trying to get at it, but couldn't reach it. After I got done laughing my ass off, I cleaned her off...at which point she went right back over to the boy, licked his hand and laid back down below him.

I don't know that I would have forgiven him so fast.

What's the Big Hairy Deal?

As I think I have mentioned, or at the very least alluded to, we have 3 rather large dogs. All of whom are at least 50% husky. All of whom are keenly intent on shedding as much of their hair onto my floors, clothes and furniture as is canine-ly possible. Anyone who has ever had or read about a husky knows that 2 times a year they lose the soft downy undercoat in an extravaganza that has been affectionately dubbed a "Blow-Out". Unlike the usual, year round shedfest, the blowout involves massive patches of hair just falling off like some cartoon version of hair leprosy.

Seriously, cautionary tales of what a mangy mutt might look like have NOTHING on what a Husky mid-blowout looks like.

During this festival of fur dropping my vacuum never gets put away. Instead it is called to duty 3-4 times a day.

Happily we are passed the summer blowout session and I have been able to trim back my vacuuming to once a day.

Until yesterday.

I had read about some magical tool, called a FURminator on Dooce.com a couple of weeks ago. Dooce went on to extoll it's virtues after using it on her trusty pooch, Chuck. Although I was impressed with her enthusiasm I was lukewarm about the product since Chuck is a short haired, sleek looking pup, rather than a great fuzzy beast like our pack.

Yesterday I was over at a friend's mother's house for a girly activity and was admiring how hair-free her floors were, despite the fact that she has a rather long haired golden retriever. Well, out she pops with the FURminator and explains that this marvelous tool was the key to her hair free floors.

I "Oooo'ed". I "Ahhh'ed". I inquired where I could obtain such a magical instrument. And then I found out the cost. $60 for a doggy brush. For reals. I was crushed. There was NO WAY that my husband would EVER green light such an extravagant expense for grooming...not when he already spent $500+ on my Dyson Animal so that I would have the suction needed to clean the hair up in the first place.

So, while I sat there, considering which organ I could best do without in order to sell it on the black market and gain the proceeds needed to purchase this magical item, she popped out with another one, which she had been planning to give to my friend. My friend, being wise enough to recognize the look of desire in my eyes generously invited me to take it home and give it a test drive...all I can say is WOW.

Seriously folks, this thing ROCKS. The dogs aren't real impressed, but DAMN the hair it gets out. And for the first time, EVER, I can pet the dogs without being covered in their hair. Of course I have been running the vacuum cleaner about every 5 minutes to collect the gigantic piles of hair that I have been brushing off our dogs, but I feel very confident that I will be able to step back my usual efforts to once every other day or so once I have finished torturing them. And then I suppose I will have to give it to my friend. Because I would very much like her to remain my friend. And she too deserves a hairfree house.

It Looks So Good I Could Eat It...But None For YOU

So I got the most wonderful surprise today...an edible arrangement from my best friend. It really is awesome.
See? Notice the 90lb puppy in the background, pondering whether she can get to it before I can thump her?

There is something poetic about her sending me a fruit basket...what with me being the fruity basketcase that I am and all...

So I must wonder, is it wrong of me to have told Sabrina that the "big brown things" were just decoration when in reality I know that they are chocolate covered strawberries and they are mineminemine?

Spring is in the Air...and so is the smell of Cabbage

So here we are, just a few days away from the official first day of spring, and apparently someone sent a memo to our dogs about it. Because they are going berserk today. I mean like bats in the belfry, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, taste the rainbow CRAZY...

Earlier today, as we were eating lunch, I let the puppy and her mother out and then back in. At which point they started chasing each other's tails. Which sounds cute and harmless enough. Until you consider that, between the two of them, they have more body mass than my son's entire soccer team. And apparently more energy.

We headed upstairs to read a book and lay down for nap and the two of them decided to channel their inner Martha Stewart and redecorate. And then, when they had finished, they came barreling up stairs, bounced off of her door until it opened and hopped up on her bed with us...which resulted in shrieking...and yelling...and sobbing. And Sabrina looked at me all, "Will you please stop blubbering and *DO SOMETHING* about this?!?!?". And I was all "Isn't it your turn??"And she was all "Hello, I'm 4?!?!?!?"

So I went downstairs to see what the big deal was...

ALL of the couch and love seat cushions were on the floor.
The dining room rug was moved from the center of the room over to the windows...along with the table and 6 chairs that normally hold it nice and securely to the floor.
The kitchen rug was flipped over and put back , perfectly in place, rubber backing up.
The bedding from each of their crates was strewn out like some sort of hairy, fleece canal through the hallway.
Their rawhide bones were scattered like some sort of grisly crime scene.

Never underestimate the amount of damage that 180 lbs of dog can do in the span of one Angelina Ballerina story.

Violently Gassy

I think we need to have the puppy's ass registered as a lethal weapon. She is clearly dead on the inside. You look at her and she farts. loudly. And then licks you. And then farts some more.

I'm going bald.

ugh...

Living life Day by Day

Speaking of living life day to day...(I know, I know...you are thinking, when were we speaking about living life day to day???) sometimes, when you are sure you have as much to deal with as you think you can and you are sure that you can't take any more, God shows you how much confidence and belief he has in YOU by giving you more. I thought my plate was full enough, but I just got 5 more helpings...Skorja, our husky, just had 5 puppies yesterday...I didn't know she was pregnant until Thursday.

I was panicking...I was freaking out...I was pretty dismal...but now they are here, and they are real, and I realize that it would be an insult to God and Mother Nature and all of their infinite wisdom to bemoan their arrival...they are new life, innocent and full of potential...5 little opportunities to complete some family out there...5 little "missionaries" of soft lapping tongues and the comfort born of a dog's soulful eyes. Pets are certainly part of God's master plan for people, and I have a handful worth of his rawest talent, that will someday deliver unconditional love and joy to someone - how lucky am I? How honored and special I must really be to aide and assist in rearing such life and spreading such joy.

At least that's my story today...