Wishing Well

Well, it's nearly Christmas time, and for the littlies, that of course means that it's time to take the brakes off of the wanting and just let us all have it good, by compiling a list of everything earthly thing that they desire. As a kid, I thought this was a guarantor of getting more than just socks and underwear...but always felt somewhat self conscious about really letting it all hang out, so I can remember going to great lenghts to prevent my list from coming across as too obscenely huge...you know, by only asking for one pony, rather than eight.

As an adult, I have a new appreciation for this sport. It is a highly amusing look into the inner-most workings of your child's mind.

So the grandparents had all requested that they be furnished with copies of the roadmaps to the kids hearts wish lists, so I threw the task out to my offspring, and had them compile their lists. Good golly...who knew that actually charging them with this could consume almost a week of their time?? There was much gnashing of teeth, rending of clothes and careful studying of the Walmart and Target toy flyers...which were both hidden inside of Sabrina's kitchen, for fear that mommy might throw them out. Thanks goodness we didn't get the Toys R Us big book delivered!!!!!

What they delivered was beyond priceless...and as I transcribed it for the grandparents, I questioned them about some of the items on their lists...and being the horrible loving parent that I am, I added my own commentary.

Now, without further ado (or expectation on our part, for those of you who are blood related to us and thinking that this is some sort of subliminal message directed squarely at YOU...) here are the wish lists of my two darling cherubs...with some mommy commentary thrown in:

Sebastian: (Or as we shall now call him, Mr. Caviar-tastes)
Ben 10 Alien Creation chamber
Rock em Sock em Robots
Erector SpyKee Robot - ok, this thing is a bit over his head...it is a robot that you build (which he could do with daddy) that then is controlled using the wiFi in his computer...it can record pictures, act as a surveillance system, talk to people, take pictures of them...all sorts of cool stuff...I think ultimately, daddy would enjoy this more than Sebastian
Bakugan starter kit - Apparently this is something similar to Pokemon, but with balls instead of cards? Not sure...still trying to figure out Pokemon to begin with.
Star Wars the Clone Wars action figures
Razor Power Wing Scooter - He already has a regular Razor...which he uses all the time...no idea what the deal is with this thing.
Nintendo DS - My Sims Kingdom, Star Wars Clone Wars, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games - Sebastian really, really, REALLY wants a DS. In fact, in the original letter to Santa, the DS wanting was used almost as though it was punctuation. Daddy doesn't like the idea, because he is afraid that it will become a problem like it is with some of the other children that we have known with Gameboys and the like. Mommy is of the opinion that it is not the toy that is the problem, it is the parenting...I know *we* will not be getting him this...but I can say that this is what he wants more than anything else, and that if it were entirely up to me, he WOULD be getting it.
iDog Dance - He and Sabrina both asked for this...when asked if they understood what it was and what it does, they explained perfectly that it dances to the music played by your iPod...which neither of them have...at which point they explained that they wanted it for me, to use with my iPod. Which is sweet...but utterly besides the point of their Christmas lists...but I just had to add this in, because it made me chuckle.
Playmobile Roman Kingdom - sort of a Lego-y thing? I think?
Lego Star Wars V-19 Torrent - This lego set would REQUIRE daddy to help him...it's rated ages like 10 and up or something. And I say daddy because I drew the short straw for the 500+ piece pirate ship of last year...and I still have a tick from the 3+ hours it took to assemble that creation...so it's his turn.
Pokemon cards - Seriously, you can never go wrong with this. Dammit. Will the pocket monsters never go out of style???
D-Rex -This is a robotic dinosaur...a very expensive dinosaur at that. Which I suppose could run around with and eat all of the other robots that he is lusting after. Chomp, chomp, chomp...

Sabrina:(Little Miss "Everything on this Page")
A big soft Barbie - We got her a My Size Ballerina Barbie, but it is *not* soft...she wants one that she can sleep with. Is there such a thing? I have no clue...happy hunting. ;-)
Dora Prance n' Fly Pegasus
Stuffed animals - This is always a sure fall back with her...she loves animals, and loves plushies to sleep with...current favorites are the new edition beanie babies (called Beanie Baby 2.0), Rescue pets My ePets and the Little Pet Shop VIP's...they have codes that allow them to log into a secure site and play games with electronic versions of their toys...while their real toys sit and look on in vapid horror.
Pixos Super Studio - Some odd art type thing...but hey, it's creative...
Rose Petal Cottage - this is basically a softsided playhouse that can be set up and taken down inside the house.
Baby Alive Learns to Go Potty - OK, ewwwwww!!!! but whatever...she is a girly girl
Tini Puppini Designer Plush Puppy - A dog to dress up...because ours don't fit in any of our clothes. And don't cooperate when you try to gussy them up much beyond a bandana.
Barbie Party Cruise Playset - "Mommy, you need to use REAL WATER with this." Mommy is overjoyed.
Caring Corners Mrs. Goodbee Interactive Dollhouse - Apparently the house tells you what you need to cleanup in it for you. Mommy would like a lifesized version of this if it actually gets them to do their chores.
Bratz Dolls and Bratz World House - Uggg...these things are obnoxious...but then, in her own way, I suppose Barbie is too. I know, I'm a heretic. I guess I can't keep her 2 forever.
Littlest Pet Shop Game for the Wii - Actually,she asked for it for the DS...but she doesn't have a DS (see above). She too would love to have one, but is less concerned about it than her brother...in fact, if it weren't *for* her brother, she probably wouldn't want one.
iDog Soft Speaker - again with the things for mommy's iPod...though Sabrina isn't nearly so "really, it's for you mommy" about it...
Littlest Pet Shop Monopoly - They already have Monopoly Jr., she only wants it because it is Littlest Pet Shop.
Littlest Pet Shop Fitness Center - think dollhouse for tiny dogs and cats...only with a workout theme. At least it can't mess with her body image - right?
Ponyville Sweet Sundae Amusement Park - My Little Pony is making a comeback. And shrinking. Much like Britney Spears.
Rescue Pets Swim to Me Puppy - Her:"it actually swims to you mom!!! Just like I swim to you!!!" Me: "Again with the water???"
Lucky the Wonder Pup - This is a "magical puppy that does whatever you tell him to do"...just what the future cult leader needs to practice her minion commanding skills.
FurReal Cat - "Well mommy, your kitty is afraid of me. This one won't run away."
FurReal S'mores Pony - This is about as close to a real pony as it comes. It is a ride on, whinying, electronic monstrosity. I seem to remember Daddy buying her a large stuffed pony for Christmas when she was 2 so that when she grew up and asked him to buy her a pony, he could tell her that he already did. Apparently she wants an upgrade.

So there you have it.

My New Voicemail Message - In Open Letter Format

Dear Democratic Party,

If you are calling to badger me, yet again, about my choice of presidential candidate, please let me reiterate to you that I am voting for Obama...just as I was at 9AM, 11:30AM, 1:45PM, 3:20PM and at 4:45PM when you sent someone knocking on my door. I have been planning on voting for Obama since the moment that I knew the alternative. I even *voluntarily* put a (now purloined) Obama sign on my front lawn. (Granted, at least 60% of the reason that I did this was to needle my Republican friends, but still!) For heaven sake, stop stalking my vote.

I would like to ask though, that the dogged determination that you are displaying to check my position on the election be carried over, into the presidential term. It is my fondest wish to have a president that is as concerned about my opinion on the War in Iraq, the Bail out of the Banks and Gay Marriage as you are about my own, single, solitary, PRIVATE vote. Such an administration would truly be an inspiration and lend us all the sense that change was actually possible and on the horizon...I for one would gladly lay down my life for such a Commander in Cheif. If however, the calls stop on Wednesday morning, I have to admit, that I will feel sort of like the cheerleader that puts out on the first date...and then never gets a second call.

Yours Truly,
Duchess Pandora

Vindicated!

For those of you following the epic battle of the girl-child's education, mark one in my column!

Today, while at the boy's school, we were in the copy room, making booklets for the class. These booklets are actually small books, called "Decodable Readers", that all of the first graders get every couple of days, to read in class. We discovered, a couple of weeks ago, that Sabrina is more than capable of reading these.

Today, we were reading the spellbinding "Wake up Nate!". Or rather, Sabrina was. Loudly. Well, who should walk in at that very moment but the principle of the school "Dr. FancyPants". This would be the same educator that assured me that making her wait would be better because that way she would be at the top of her class. And that I would be glad that we did when we get an extra year of having her at home before she leaves for college. And that he did it for his daughter, so it should be good enough for her too.

Well, he walked in and heard her reading, and commented, "Wow, that is some mighty good reading you are dong - how old are you?"

Sabrina: "I'm 5. And I go to kindergarten at home, with Mama."

DFP: "Oh, umm, I see..." looking at me, as it registers that I obviously have one child *in* school so there must be a reason that I am homeschooling this one "Wh-wh-what is your plan?"

Me: (heh, heh, heh...I have been WAITING for this very moment for MONTHS) "Well, you and I have exchanged NUMEROUS e-mails about this. She missed the cutoff by a couple of days...and her pre-school didn't want her to come back, because she is so beyond their curriculum. So I bought as much of the same curriculum as you used with my son, last year in Kindergarten and am using it with her, at home. We would like to have her in First Grade next year."

DFP: "Hmm, I ah, well, I think we will have to check with the Assistant Superintendent to see...I don't know if we ever thought about homeschool as being an acceptable, accredited school to substitute for Kindergarten...when is her birthday?"

Me: "September 12."

DFP: "Oh, well, my daughter was September 4th, and she was reading like well, maybe like this..."

Me:"Those are first grade books she is reading."

DFP:"Oh...well...umm...keep me posted on this..."

At which point he beat a hasty retreat back into his office. The look on his face said it ALL. He clearly knows she should be in Kindergarten now that he has met her, and seen her in action...if he had ever bothered to meet her when I first contacted him and asked him to, then we wouldn't be where we are today...but he didn't...and now he is going to have to explain to the school board why a homeschooler is challenging to be let into 1st grade on his watch.

The moral of the story?

Don't fuck with the mommy. She plays to win.

Oh.Bloody.Hell!!!

Somebody actually stole the Obama sign right out of my front yard. I don't even know what to say about that.

My kids are convinced that John McCain took it.

Sarah Palin *was* here last week to speak at the college...but I doubt there is a real connection.